Mexican Muffin Tops

2011-03-25T07:04:00.003-04:00

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. . . Around The Corner Tacos Are Made

2010-07-07T06:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I think what it would be like if I magically had to switch bodies with a Meximuff. Would I choke on a dollar store bra and skin-tight pink "shirt"? Nope, don't think I would.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Light-Skinned and Feeling Fleshy

2010-07-06T06:13:00.000-04:00

I don't know which parts of Mexico have lighter skin, Venezuela, Tijuana, or Telemundo, but this one's definitely from that part. Thank goodness that they all embrace the culture of showing off lumbar fat and rhinestoned jeanshort pockets. That's how's I can identify them.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Odie Correo

2010-07-05T06:46:00.014-04:00

Some mail from someone who appears confused about how much we love all those chunky Meximuffs with terrible nutritional choices:

Dear "meximuff" dude,

You are a complete asshole. You probably hear this A LOT, but i thought I'd tell you anyway.
    Your blog is nothing but a mean way to take out your bitter revenge, clearly a HOT SEXY Mexican must have broke your heart, or fired you from a job.... I'm sorry that you look in the mirror every morning and see nothing but a FAT AND UGLY Loser, so you make fun of other people just to ignore your obvious morbid obesity, but your blog is by far the most ignorant and moronic thing on the Internet.
    Putting pictures up of "Mexican Muffin tops" wont make you skinnier, handsome, smart, successful, significant, or even matter to anyone in this world. Making fun of others wont save you from dying, fat and alone, at a young age with your 4-inch penis in hand, while masturbating (using your tears as lubrication) to the pictures of the women you scoff at.
    I hope that when you die, you go to Hell and your punishment for eternity is to be a slave to Beautiful Mexican women, who take pictures of you and your fat-ass, laugh and make fun of YOU. You are the scum of this world, who should be put on an island for ignorant and moronic racist pieces of shit, like you! Then we should blow up that Island! FUCK YOU! GO SHIT IN YOUR HAND!

sincerely,
someone who really feels sorry for you.

I would feel bad pooping in my hand, as it might seem that I were mocking all the Meximuffs who cannot reach around their lumpy back fat to do so themselves. :(

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Racing For Pinks

2010-06-25T05:25:00.000-04:00

When you're a Mexican guy, and the other hombre mows the yard faster than you, he gets your pink slips. While it's just your tubby wife and her ninos, it still stings. Stings pretty hard.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Juanifer Lopez

2010-06-24T17:20:00.001-04:00

A disgusting uni-tard, a kid with a nino-muff, and they're shopping for cheese. Almost the perfect stereotype. Next time please bring a stroller. All of us in the semi-racist photo blog community need the support.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Summer Breeze Makes Me Feel Queasy

2010-06-23T17:11:00.001-04:00

Dresses are tough to catch Meximuffs in, because there aren't jeans to squeeze the goo above the buttocks. That's where underwear comes in. Just wait until she steps outside to wait for the bus and the back sweat comes rolling in like the sweet mist off of a South American waterfall.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

April Tacos Bring May Back Fat

2010-06-22T06:47:00.000-04:00

When you have more charms than keys on your keyring, it proves one thing. You're an idiot, or a woman. But why am I being redundant? Slam.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

The Rare "SexiMuff"!

2010-06-21T05:53:00.000-04:00

Long thought to be extinct, a reader sent in this example of a Mexican "seximuff". We can see that this senorita is just barely reaching full maturity, (note the high school football field), and the muff is creeping over the still-fitting thong. Four ninos from now, or four years from now, whichever comes first, it shall be long-overtaken. For now, we can at least stare until one of her friends see us.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

U-Scan These Jeans!

2010-06-18T06:53:00.000-04:00

When scanning your own groceries, it is important to look your Mexican best. So, get your acid-washed jeans with the special buttock insignia. I believe those symbols are the ancient Mexican "McGooeyMuffinTop" clan.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Treat Your Ninos Well

2010-06-17T06:06:00.000-04:00

This photo is great fossil evidence of the evolutionary progress of Meximuffs. In the young, they are quite normally-shaped, yet as adults, the lower back fat explodes, and the buttocks shrink. The evolutionary stimuli of flour tortillas can no longer be denied.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Does A Muff Crap In The Woods?

2010-06-16T06:16:00.009-04:00

This big ole' bear is really scritching against the bus stop sign. Either she's got a powerful bra rash, or it's rutting season, and all the wild male Mexicans better run for cover.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Do You Have A "Peso Value Menu"?

2010-06-15T06:33:00.001-04:00

She's not blurry, it's just low blood sugar. That's why we need to power her up with a chocolate cone, double-quesoburger, and a mujer-batidor so we can see the lard squeeze. For those children reading, "mujer-batidor" mean "wife-beater" in Mexican, or at least that's what the internet tells me.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

"Capris" is a Mexican Word, Right?

2010-06-14T06:17:00.015-04:00

I am disappointed a great deal in the ass size of this Mexifluff. The back fat is quite evident, though most of these tubby tortillas have such nonexistent asses that the tight pants squeeze out their lumbarular fat. This lass has a bloated rear, and almost falls out of category, almost.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Lard and Lace

2010-06-11T14:07:00.001-04:00

That hot, lacy undershirt is either a delicate fabric woven in traditional neo-classical style, or a cheap dollar store Mexi-squeezer that her great-aunt made in Guatemala. Unirregardless, I think "gloop" describes its current usage effectively.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Making The Muff Band

2010-06-10T19:59:00.000-04:00

When you're in a breaking Latina lard hipster band, it is important to try as hard as you can to be nonchalant. Lazily list to the side, try to be vacant, and for God's sake, don't look at the camera.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Muff, You'll Be A Woman Soon

2010-06-09T07:17:00.000-04:00

As the MexiMuff reaches maturity, she wears a training bra, walks training ninos down the highway, and starts training to blow fat out above much too-tight pants of poor fashion quality. How the flower doth bloom.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

ReMuff: I'll Change Your Oil

2010-06-08T06:10:00.000-04:00

Re-post in order to standardize the site:

Mi amiga sure looks like she could use some company while she waits for her oil change. Perhaps myself and my friend,Jimmy Dean Pancakes and Sausage on a Stick could keep her some company. Pass the syrup!

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Is There A Way to Stitch Two Of These Chairs Together?

2010-06-07T06:35:00.001-04:00

This Muffalata has found a way to squeeze out a muff, a bra muff, three underwear muffs, and a vacuum vag out of a simple trip to the grocery store. You might say to yourself, "That's her culture. We shouldn't judge her rolly fat deposits." Have fun in Mexico, loser.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Jenny, I Got Your Number, and Some Crown Jeanshorts

2010-06-04T07:19:00.015-04:00

This is a rare sighting of the "undermuff", where upper thigh fat is squished out of trashy mexishorts as to collect moisture more effectively. Eventually stalactites will form to delight youngsters on field trips.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Nads From The Barrio

2010-06-03T06:14:00.014-04:00

In Mexican, "Huevos" means "eggs" or "testicles" in slang. If you're ever overlooking an nondescript poor people city with "balls" across your ass, I give you permission to bone me.

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Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Belts Are Made To Be Broken

2010-06-02T21:20:00.000-04:00

That thong is going to leave a line in that muff like sleeping on a tennis racket. Speaking of which, let's keep this Muffarita away from any sort of sporting good accessories, lest she get any bad ideas.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

44, 54, 26 - Maybe If She's 5'2"

2010-06-01T07:25:00.000-04:00

A submicioner in North Florida sent in this chunkarita browsing through Goodwill's "skinny jeans for people with disgusting amounts of torso fat" section. If only there was this much discretion being used when choosing her breakfast queso load.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Happy Muffmorial Day

2010-05-31T18:37:00.000-04:00

It's on days like this that we need to stop and remember all the tortillas that Meixcan women eat to give them the power to dangerously push their strollers across the middle of 5-lane highways.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Blurring The Lines Between Muff and Reality

2010-05-28T06:45:00.001-04:00

It hard to tell if this classic strolling-muff is shopping for bongs or dildos. Either way, those jeans are crammed on to her non-existent Mexi-ass so tightly it's giving me a head rush.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

The Fleshy Mexican Eagle

2010-05-27T06:58:00.017-04:00

I bet it tastes somewhat worse than strawberry cake donut holes.

If you stood at the check-out to QuikTrips, you could probably harvest enough Meximuffs to power all the strollers in Salvation Army.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Five Gallons of Mayonaisse

2010-05-26T06:16:00.001-04:00

Even if Andy Dick really is your optometrist at this Costco, you can still see that gooey roll brazenly splayed outside of her muffy tank top.

From a submicioner in the Atlanta Perimeter Costco:

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Fatty Deposits

2010-05-25T08:21:00.000-04:00

This shot showcases mostly FUPA , but we can get a glimpse through those straining sweatpants of what is easily a 10-pound Meximuff. I ain't throwin' that one back.

From a submicioner in Claremont, CA at a Chase Bank;

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Goobey Bryant

2010-05-24T19:05:00.003-04:00

What I wouldn't give for a Denver hotel room right about now.

The Muffographer from Venice, CA says, "The front gut area had a huge tattoo!!! But I could only snap this picture from the back."

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

2009-07-13T15:22:00.001-04:00

COMING BACK SOON!

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

THE POWER OF THE VACUUM

2009-03-06T08:45:00.003-05:00

From a cell phone camera:

Those Oreck folks can suck a bowling ball with their vacuum, but I doubt it's be able to get those jeans out of there.

That's where my mouth comes in.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

DON JUAN DEMUFFO

2009-03-05T06:00:00.006-05:00

This guy should be on the next season of "The Bachelor". He took off his lady's fanny pack because it wouldn't fit around her muff. Then he says, "Let me take that for you, too." He picks her lollipop out of her mouth, grunts as she sits on his leg, and then warmly embraces her lips in his.

Somebody tell Hugh Grant he's got competition. At least in the overweight Mexican category. Yes, I know "overweight Mexican is redundant". Get off my case.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

MY VISOR EES TIGHT LIKE MY PANTS

2009-03-04T20:05:00.004-05:00

From "Todd", who found this senorita in the Galapagos Islands airport:

Visors really seem like the perfect idea for Meximuffs. They squeeze the greasy hair out of her head like the tight capris squeeze the greasy back fat out of her squirt zone.

Squirt zone. That's a double-entendre.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

STICK 'EM UP!

2009-03-03T17:28:00.004-05:00

From a shop in Paterson, NJ:

Much like Nick Nolte in 48 Hours, this chick has got double shoulder harnesses for her pistolas. Unfortunately the guns are buried in the penultimate layer of muff fat. Regardless, I'm intimidated. Irregardless, I have an erecioné!

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

CARDS FOR THE BLIND, OR SOON TO BE BLIND

2009-02-05T19:00:00.003-05:00

From "Chris" who says, "One for the record Books":

Greeting cards for MexiMuffs would be a treat. I would avoid any pictures that look or smell like cheese curls, though.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

THOSE AREN'T GRILL MARKS

2009-02-03T16:39:00.004-05:00

From "Todd", who writes, "Not sure why she was sneaking those meat hocks under her shirt into BK . . ."

This why the terrorists hate us, because we love Mexican fatties so much. We're such a great country that we willingly take in the worst and dirtiest of the foulest and smelliest.

They can't even make muffins in The Middle East. Something about unleavened bread and bricks and straw or some junk.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Pink is the new fat

2009-01-23T06:00:00.004-05:00

From another Flickr poster in Montreal:

It's hard to tell if Meximuffs in Canada have crispy, crimpy hair because of the dollar-store hairspray or they just don't dry it out fully before going out in to the frigid weather. I suggest all my Canadian Latina stalkers try this simple experiment:

Dip a ball of toilet paper in rubbing alcohol, dangle that from a tree, and sit by with a bottle rocket out of sight. When the cheeto-eatin' chica walks underneath, launch your bottle rocket at the wad, and see if it sets her hair alight.

The owners of Mexican Muffin Tops.com in no way endorse violence. Unless it's against your manhood when checking out these hot fatties.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Flour, sugar, lard, butter, brown sugar, and then some spray cheese

2009-01-22T06:00:00.007-05:00

From a Flickr poster, who has a recipe for all of us, "This girl was no more than 13. Yet the yeast has been added and the muffin top is rising. She's not even chubby. She just added the important ingredients: tight belt, low rise jeans, short tank top, stir until mixed. Serve warm. ":

It's pretty evident that the MexiMuff gene is solely located on the X-chromosome. That cuts my work in half. Now, to find a microscope, some sort of cutting device, and some genetic human blanks. Give me a few years, and I think I'll progress beyond the "pile of goo" stage to the "horrible genetic mutant, but, hey, look, she kind of has a muffin top" stage.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

"Stuff" Happens

2009-01-21T06:00:00.006-05:00

From a Flickr poster in Las Vegas, who opines, "Sure it's outta focus, but just LOOK at that muffin top! I mean, I'm not knocking the body...it happens! But hey, make the appropriate wardrobe adjustment PLEASE! ":

The only adjustment necessary to this situation is my nose closer to those stretch pants.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Turniquits aren't just for Civil War battlefields anymore

2009-01-20T06:00:00.008-05:00

From a Flickr poster from NYC who says, "Just to prove the muffin top is not limited to LA.":

This proves a whole lot of other things as well. I just figured out why the Latina buttocks are so small. Their tight belts are cutting off the blood supply to their lower body. But in the same way we let Chinese women bind their feet to make them small and sexy-like, who are we to tell the MexiMuffs that they can't bind their buttocks?

Judge not, people, judge not.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Cowboy hat in Seattle? You betcha!

2009-01-19T06:00:00.009-05:00

From an Flickr poster, who says, "This girl was out in West Seattle one summer day and I can only assume she was on the troll for someone who enjoyed the top of the muffin. Although, the bottom of the muffin is pretty good too."

I, for one, enjoy the reclamation of the US by Mexico. Sure, everything will smell worse and we will all be bored by the atrocity that is futbal, but the MexiMuffs will be on us like brown on beans.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

LIKE A ROCK, LIIIIKE A RAWK!

2009-01-08T06:00:00.005-05:00

From Jeff of Tucker, GA:

If Chevrolet does go bankrupt, where will she get replacement shocks? Then again, if Goodwill goes bankrupt, where will she get replacement sweat pants?

If I go bankrupt, I'll be right in that back pocket. Just smellin' stuff. Just smellin' stuff.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

CAN I GET THE UNLIMITED MEALS TEXTING PLAN?

2009-01-07T06:00:00.008-05:00

"Big Brown" again:

"If you get the family plan, not only do you get free phones for your ninos, but you'll get rollover minutes . . . Oh, sorry to use them term "rollover". I know it's a sensitive issue for your people."

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

SHINY HAPPY MUFFS

2009-01-06T06:00:00.007-05:00

From "Big Brown", who writes, "I work off Sidney Marcus and Piedmont, so I have the pleasure of unlimited pictures of muffin tops!"

Mirror, mirror, on the counter, when will a gordita my mouth encounter? Of course fried bread has no chance, and I'll refuse to increase the size of my pants.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

I'M JACKING, THAT'S FOR SURE.

2009-01-05T06:00:00.008-05:00

From Dolores, who says, "Coworkers and I saw this glorious blonde bomb shell @ Jack In The Box. Her beauty is so captivating ....."

This mountain of a muff has a large amount of options. She likes the bright pictures, but I'm sure she doesn't know what "teriyaki" is. I bet she can sound it out.

"Ter" is like "three", and "yaki" is like those guys who ride horses, so there must be three different kinds of horses in this dish. That's going to be white, black, and brown. If you don't think Mexicans eat horses, now you know for sure.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Game Over, Flan!

2009-01-02T10:02:00.002-05:00

From a Long Beach submicioner:

If you pulled out a muff roll, would the whole thing fall down like so many Jenga games? Maybe if you just kind of teased out the top left muff a little bit with your finger tip and blew on it a little. Next time you see one, give it a gentle flick. Either you'll find the answer to our question, or you'll hit the fabled Meximuff G-spot. I like them odds.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Lake Muff-B-Gone

2009-01-01T21:37:00.001-05:00

From "Jody", who says, "This lady was walking on the hike and bike trail in Austin."

It looks like The Dog Whisperer has taken to Meximuff Whispering as well. "If you follow thees trail, and hit a sharp right through the construcion, you'll be able to hit Burger King before they stop serving The Enormous Omelet Sandwich."

"Now, run my muff!"

"Well, you know, try at least."

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Tom Hanks once pretended to be from her country

2008-12-27T12:34:00.010-05:00

MORE MEXIMUFFS IN THE NEW YEAR!

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Yummo and yucko

2008-12-09T06:00:00.004-05:00

Taken at a Rachael Ray book signing:

Some of you might question whether a Meximuff could actually wait 30 minutes for a meal. As you can tell by this rice and beans and flan fatso fleeing the scene, she forgot to convert from minutes into pesos. It's hard math.

Seen a Fiesta of fatties? Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

"Sausage", really?

2008-12-08T16:44:00.013-05:00

From "Kaisnut":

Hey, Homeland Security. I am about to solve your immigration problem right now. Every "La Migra" van you've got out there, just throw a "sausage" banner on it. I am predicting a 93% drop in Meximuffs by lunchtime.

Don't worry, you'll get the rest, soon. Some women will have to walk uphill.

In all seriousness, I hope she likes man-sausage. That's code for "my wang" if you're not hip to the lingo.

Submiciones of your own:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

The Fat Knight

2008-12-08T06:01:00.003-05:00

From an undisclosed comic book store in California:

Sometimes I wonder if this website has pulled me so far in to the dark world of Meximuffs that they will consume me. Hey, it happened to Heath Ledger in Batman, and drugs can't literally eat you like these mavens of Muff can.

In fact, didn't Heath have a Mexican housekeeper who found him . . . ?

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Sepia senorita

2008-12-05T14:00:00.001-05:00

From an Amigo in the land of Schwashenefhngger:

I am not one to point fingers, unless they are delicious lady fingers. In case you were unaware, "lady fingers" are a type of snack cake. To be honest, they are a little high-brow for Meximuffs. Then again, paper napkins are a little too high-brow for Muffs.

Hey, I'm just being honest about my women. They are precious to me. Remember that cat you had when you were a little girl? Tubby Latinas are my "cat you had when you were 5 years old". Do you have a tissue?

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

The tragically hip

2008-12-05T06:00:00.002-05:00

From our buddy in Cali:

Muff: Holy shite. What the f*#k is that?
Mexican: It's the new Belle and Sebastian . . . It's a record we've been listening to and enjoying, Muff.
Muff: Well, that's unfortunate, because it sucks ass.
Mexican: You're fat.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

2008-12-04T17:51:00.004-05:00

From the free county health office in Chambodia, Georgia:

Who's that blurry office worker with a big fat back?

It's me, it's me!

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumpy

2008-12-04T06:00:00.003-05:00

Submicione from Walt's fantastical Muffatorium:

Again with the horizontal stripes. You're just mocking me now. If I had my druthers, I'd take them and druther you to the bed.

I hope druthers come out with regular laundry detergent.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

2008-12-03T14:00:00.003-05:00

More from our Disneyland submicioner:

Alright, who screwed up the recipe on this one? Mexicans should have all lower back fat and no buttocks, not the other way around. Take it back before it breeds.

Whoops, too late. Send in the strike team. As in, I will strike 'dat ass with much prejudice.

Submiciones / commentalos: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Walk this way - duhnanah nah nah nah nah

2008-12-03T06:00:00.002-05:00

More Muffcember doubly deliciousness:

One rarely sees chunky heels on Meximuffs. Top-heaviness can be an issue as one might imagine. I recommend installing cleats. Four-inch spikes should do.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Remember those lasagna enemies from the original Zelda?

2008-12-02T14:00:00.002-05:00

December stocking double-stuffs continue:

It's almost as if her back is crying.

There are different types of tears, though. Pain, sadness, joy, and exhilaracion.

I would prefer to think that her back has long stopped blaming her gut for filling it with fat, and is now just waiting for the inevitable day when she gives up the ghost and stops bothering to wear a bra. On that day you will be free, back. Free to avenge the crimes committed against you.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Feel the burn

2008-12-02T06:00:00.002-05:00

More of Santa's two-somes from our submitter at Disneyland, who says,

"This one works out, check out her tricep!"

Dude, when you're this ripped, you gotta flaunt it.

That, or have some goddam shame and cover your disgusting self until you regain some ability for self-control. Whichever works better for you. At least this way I have a reason to rub myself against my computer monitor.

Submiciones/commentos:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

I can always make more

2008-12-01T14:00:00.001-05:00

More of Double-Muff December from Disneyland:

Let's face it. If the kid really did wander off, would you be able to catch him? Might as well kiss that nino goodbye.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

The Muffiest place on earth!

2008-12-01T06:00:00.004-05:00

It's a Hanukkah of Muffs this December, as every day will give you top-munchers even more of what you crave. That's right, double-muffs all month long!

We'll start with a large crop sent in from Disneyland. The sender says,

"If your looking for a special little muff, u have to go to the happiest place on earth! It was muffs galore this weekend!"

Hmm, to I want my Muff in the Old-West photo or in the medievel knight picture? How about right smack here for thousands to drool at, you devilishly tubby Mexican.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Curse you, black

2008-11-28T19:06:00.002-05:00

From a cell phone in Atlanta:

What a great sign of the holidays.

Sweat pants wrinkled with strain, a tank top in sight most plain, and a fatso who speaks the language of Spain.

Too bad she's wearing black, cause that muff is on my brain.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

2008-11-24T06:00:00.003-05:00

From , "Janet", who writes:

"I would call this a triple decker muffin top!! Please enjoy!!"

Actually, Janet, this is much like 7- layer bean dip, in that it goes so much deeper than you think. The top three layers of upper-back fat, mid-back fat, and muffin top are the cheese, olives and lettuce. Certainly satisfying on their own, but if you go below, you see the sour cream, salsa and beans that are contained in her jeans.

So sour, so creamy. Please excuse me for a moment.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

She's not dodgin' those cookies

2008-11-21T17:19:00.005-05:00

From a cell phone in Long Beach, CA, who texts:

"Good ole dodgers fans!"

Uh, no, ma'am, we're completely out of Dodger Dogs. Here's a plastic bag full of mayonnaise packets and pretzel salt. Now, please leave us alone.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Victoria's Secret? Honestly?

2008-11-20T06:00:00.001-05:00

From "Kaye", who writes:

"On the metro rail line in Los Angeles, CA. Taken with my cell phone. I see hundreds of glorious muffin tops a day, if only I had a taco for every one I've seen :[ "

Something tells me that Kaye's got a pretty sweet taco of her own. Or, that's the best I can tell by the shot of her knee.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

2008-11-19T20:06:00.008-05:00

From "Andrew", who writes,

"I was walking around the Toledo Zoo in the summer of 2007 when I was so lucky to find this spectacular specimen in it's natural habitat, the snack bar. I just had to get a quick snap shot only because no one would believe me."

Indeed, the Mexi-Whale Tail is a heretofore thought extinct species. Many thought they were driven out of their habitat by the encroachment of Planet Smoothies and GNCs. Thank goodness for the craphole known as Toledo.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

eMailos con queso

2008-11-18T06:00:00.002-05:00

My inbox is not always filled with Mexican females who smell like greasy dumpsters. Sometimes it is filled with words that hurt me:

------------------------------------------------

from: Amanda Limon amandalimon@me.com
to: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

you're such an ignorant person, not just mexican girls gain weight on their backs,

DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE HUH?

you're blog sucks

------------------------------------------------

Alas, Amanda is correcto. I didn't go to college. But once I grow a sufficient mustache, I feel confident in admission to Guadalajara Technical University. My major will be trans-fats.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Just add water

2008-11-17T06:00:00.002-05:00

Another cell phone in California:

Sometimes Meximuffs do have some shame. This little lass, for instance, has taken the time to take the wrapper off her "Crystal Canola Oil" bottle. Could easily just be water, right?

Mi corazón, you do not need to hide from us. We love you for who you are, what you eat, how little you exercise, and what terrible fashion choices you make. Nothing more.

Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

eMailos del grande

2008-11-14T08:30:00.000-05:00

Here's an email I got from someone who I don't think browsed my site very closely:

----------------------------------------------

from emails@mexicovacationtravels.com
to muff@mexicanmuffintops.com
subject Website Question

Hello,

I wanted to know if it would be OK with you if I linked to your blog: http://mexicanmuffintops.com from my blog mexicovacationtravels.com? I think your blog will fit well with my list of blogs that I link to. Please let me know if this is OK.

I noticed you link to various blogs and websites, do you think mine is worthy to be listed on your blog? I look forward to your reply. Thanks.

-Murris

---------------------------------------------

I told, Murris, "Hell, yeah. Put my link on your site." Then, I got this email today:

--------------------------------------------

from MVT
to muff@mexicanmuffintops.com
date Mon, Nov 10, 2008 at 8:45 AM
subject Link

Hello,

Your link has been up and running. When will my link be up? :) Let me know. Thanks

Kathy

----------------------------------------------

Well, Kathy, here it is:

Tired of all these Americanized Meximuffs being scared when you pull up in your van to "chat"? Go to Mexico and get the real deal, without fear of deportation!

MexicanVacationTravels.com is sure to provide you with the cheapest and most obedient Muff-slaves for your and your accomplices' enjoyment.

Endorsed by Muff!

The battle of the bulge

2008-11-13T06:00:00.004-05:00

Another thing I will sell at my Meximuff fashion store will be bras size 44A. Give me a nice wide chest and an almost nonexitent cup any day of the Mexiweek.

No, seriously, give it to me. You've seen how close I get to these Mexican women, and you think I can't find where you live? There's a thin line, buddy, and you're about to cross it.

Brrr!

2008-11-12T17:54:00.007-05:00

I was afraid that my beloved Meximuffs would begin to grow out their winter coats and hide that magnificently mouth-watering back flab.

I was wrong.

This culture always manages to overcome. Bless you, my people. You really are committed to the bottom of the barrel.

Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Violencia domestico

2008-11-11T12:58:00.007-05:00

From a cell phone camera in Long Beach, CA, who writes,

"She came to an auto repair shop after scratching her Navigator! she was terrified that her man was going to kil her!"

If it were me, I'd be forgiving. This sassy senorita could come home with a panty line like that in her flat rear end, a sort of butt-muff almost, and it would cause me to lower my fist. I'd still take a crack at her if she didn't deep-fry them chalupas, though.

2008-11-10T06:00:00.003-05:00

From an unidentified submitter:

If this website ceases to be updated in the near future, it is because I have learned where this picture was taken, and have left to hunt this magnificent creature.

My life is complete. There can be nothing higher. This is nirvana. This is whatever "God" is. This is better than heroin.

Peek-a-boo!

2008-11-07T06:00:00.002-05:00

Se necessita bartender. Requirementos include being able to open beer bottles with your exposed gut. Free nino-sitting available. Maximum cinco ninos. Please take the bus outside of our bar and slowly wander inside.

muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Twins!

2008-11-06T06:00:00.001-05:00

I love . . .

tubby Latina guts,
really flat butts,
waiting for the bus,

and twins.

And I love you, too!

Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Eugenix

2008-11-05T16:29:00.004-05:00

If I were to form a death metal band, I think it would definitely be named "Eugenix". We'd lure all these unfortunate dumpy souls to our shows with promises of rock candy and a cheese fountain. Then, we'd gas everyone - with rock and roll!

Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Aww, how cute

2008-11-04T06:00:00.001-05:00

You ever go to drop a deuce and can barely squeeze out a pellet? Disappointing, isn't it?

I feel the same way :(

muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Drop and eat me 20!

2008-11-03T06:00:00.004-05:00

Hey, I know this picture doesn't show too much of a MexiMuff, but I was struck by the business for which this mushy muff works.

The only "Fit" she's worrying about is her ass in those khakis.

Slam!

The Day of the Dead . . . Sexy

2008-10-31T06:00:00.005-04:00

This submicione is from the muy erotica "Camille" in LA:

Camille went as a Mexican blueberry muffin for Mexiween. The Sombrero and sexy legs say, "Peel off my wrapper". The arm tattoo says if you screw with her, her hermano will make sure you don't walk right for a while.

Mr. Muffwell says he needs to have a little personal time with this picture. Knock before you come in, Mom!

muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Nanu-nanu

2008-10-30T06:00:00.000-04:00

Yet another from "Kellie's" trip to Mexi-Wal-Mart:

I never saw "Patch Adams", but I can only assume they called him "Patch" because he wore jeans similar to today's South American Muff. If Robin Williams can cure illnesses with laughter, I assume this Meximuff can do a half-decent job with droopy back fat and frosting.

Next time I try to asphyxiate myself in my garage with my Muff-huntin' van running, I beg that this lady come to resuscitate me.

Swagger

2008-10-29T06:00:00.005-04:00

From senorita "Kellie":

I haven't yet clocked how quickly MexiMuffs walk. In fact, I don't think they even walk to begin with. This picture reveals their gait is more of a pointless shuffling.

We see that MexiMuffs are much like the elderly, in that their movement is greatly limited without a walker. Except that MexiMuff's walkers are their kids' strollers.

So, you see, viewers, they don't have all those ninos because they need anchor babies and are burdened by Catholic dogma. They're to weigh down the other end of the stroller, and to give me boners.

The women, not the kids, you pervert.

Send me your delicious finds: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Tuesday Caption Contest: Taco Bell

2008-10-28T06:57:00.004-04:00

Courtesy of "Todd", who says, "2 kids and a lot of black dont hide this triple top muffin...":

Here's a new feature we'll try out. Leave yours in the comment sectione:

My entry: "Ma'am, you can't bring in outside chalupas to our restaurant . . . Oh, my mistake. That's your terrible back fat."

2008-10-27T06:45:00.002-04:00

This submicione is from "Meg":

This reminds me of the slow motion walking scene in Resevoir Dogs.

I see here we have "Mr. White", and "Ms. Oh My God, You Disgusting Pig, How Dare You Wear That Shirt? Don't You Realize You're Sixty pounds Overweight and Mexican?".

I don't know art, but I know what I like

2008-10-24T06:00:00.005-04:00

This submicione is from "Yined", who says this snapshot was taken at the Miami Art Museum:

Miami is know for its hot nightlife and nude beaches, but little did we know that it had such a rich artistic heritage. Notice the right model, who buys extremely tight jeans, but she has such little ass that the pockets melt halfway down her thigh. Her back fat melts halfway in to the air. We now know the inspiration for Salvador Dali's melting clocks.

In case you ain't cultural or nuthin':

Food court, ahoy!

2008-10-23T06:00:00.004-04:00

This submicione is from "Ashley":

Dear Macy's,

I would like to offer you premiere advertising space on my beauty-photograph website, MexicanMuffinTops.com. As you can see by the enclosed photograph, there is a large segment of the immigrant population that is served by your apparel.

Macy's could offer a specially-branded MexiMuff line of apparel that goes well beyond tight shirts and pants. Tight scarves could push out neck fat, tight bracelets could push out wrist fat, and, as you can see, tight Mexi-UGS push out calf fat.

As part of our contract, I would request two-way mirrors be installed in my local Macy's dressing rooms. Don't worry, I will only use them when Mexicans are using them, and they don't sue.

-Muff

Get your Muff sightings on here: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, flour

2008-10-22T06:00:00.004-04:00

This user submicione is from "Hoodrat" via camera phone in Los Angeles:

Super-sweet quad muff, to be sure. I had never thought about it, but saddled up to the bar is a great position for MexiMuffs. Their back flab is on full display, and you know they're going to be a lot more "susceptible" to letting you rest your beer, nachos, salsa, hamburger, napkin, remote control, laptop, and salt and pepper on her back later that night.

So, I'm going to need you to go ahead and eat here this weekend . . .

2008-10-21T06:05:00.006-04:00

This user submicione is from an unidentified cell phone camera in Long Beach, CA:

The Russian judge is giving this one a full 4-muff stack, 3.5 from Italy, and let's see what the Mexican judge will give it . . .

a 6.0?!?

This ruling is sending shockwaves through the Mufflympic world. Sources are telling us that the Mexican judge's hotel was searched, and bribes were discovered. These included over 40 bags of expired Fritos and an enchilada that was taken off of a customer's plate from a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant in North Hollywood.

More as the scandal develops . . .

muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Ole, ole, ole ole . . .

2008-10-20T06:00:00.004-04:00

This user submicione is from "Gina":

Soccer is boring.

"Futbal", however, is amazingly sexy to watch. If you're a lady, you can stare at David Beckham's junk. If you're a señor, you can drool over the Meximuffs watching their hombres kicking a taped-up pillow around, or whatever else can be passed off as a futbal.

Or, if you're me, you can park your van in the public park parking lot at 4 am and drink off-brand energy drinks until all the señoritas arrive. One of these days, I'll work up the courage to pop open my van door quickly as they walk by and snag a MexiMuff for myself. Until then, I can only dream . . .

The belle of the ball

2008-10-17T06:00:00.002-04:00

Cindermufferella can only look at those dresses and cry, because she knows that her wicked step-muffers will make her scrub the floors and eat brocolli when she gets home.

Little does she know that her fairy god-muffer will visit her tonight, bringing a glass slipper full of purple soda and a carriage carved out of a giant fried cheese appetizer.

On a related note, Halloween is coming up, so get those cameras out and get ready to snap all those after-dark Muffalitos rolling strollers up to your door and begging for sugary snacks to plump up their Muffs-in-training. I'm horny. Whoops.

muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Got some off-road wheels for that stroller?

2008-10-16T06:00:00.000-04:00

This user submicione is from "Kellie":

I always thought county fairs were the exclusive domain of hillbillies like the mulleted ex-con in the background. Apparently not so.

I also thought for half a second that the apparently Oriental gentleman is the esposo of this slop-lovin' Spaniard. Asians are a close cousin of Meximuffs in that they share no rear end, but Charley almost never has a true Muff. Perhaps he is longing for what he never got at home. If we see him attending a pro football game, then we'll know for sure.

Justice will be served!

2008-10-15T06:00:00.002-04:00

Is it really fair that there are millions of handicapped parking spots that go unused every day while Meximuffs must trod our fair country with ninos and strolleros in tow? I say, non!

I hereby announce a campaign to change half of all handicapped parking signs to "Meximuff Parking" signs. No longer will Spanish-speaking chubsters have to walk dozens of meters to get to third-hand clothing stores. This will save many calories.

I don't have a plan on getting them cars or licenses or citizenship or anything, but baby steps, folks. Baby steps.

Submiciones, por favor: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Where's Muffo?

2008-10-14T18:02:00.002-04:00

Donde esta?

Aqui!

It's a f-ing schooner!

2008-10-13T17:57:00.000-04:00

Those cross-your-eyes pictures were really big in the 90's. This one is really big because it's on the back of an enormous Mexican tubbo.

Also, over-under on how much bleach it takes to keep those pants white is set at 7 ounces per load.

Please buy it, please!

2008-10-10T17:27:00.003-04:00

I had been considering opening a "Muffs R Us" store that only sold sizes XS, S, and M. Then I thought, "How am I going to keep all the hot women who should be wearing these clothes out, and only let in Mexican chunksters?"

The answer was simple: trails of Bimbo snack pastries from the bus stops to my front door. You might think Mexicans wouldn't eat cheap baked goods off the ground. You'd be a racist, though.

submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Oh, my aching muff!

2008-10-09T19:11:00.008-04:00

This senorita is suffering from muff cramps. Normal cramps call for fluids and potasium. Muff cramps call for pizza rolls and Faygo soda. Also, proper stretching before walking to the poultry plant would have helped.

They need to have me teach Mexican health class.

The Fog

2008-10-08T18:25:00.001-04:00

It was this exact day, one thousand years ago, when a mysterious fog crept in to all the bus stops of the ancient Aztec city of Chiapas. It cursed the people of the region with immense amounts of torso fat, and shrank all shirts larger than a size medium. Its people have roamed the earth, (via public transportation), for years, trying to quench their insatiable thirst for full-calorie soda and unprotected sex.

The legends foretold of a savior who could break the curse. Unfortunately, he was run over by a herd of strollers.

Do you dare tempt the curse? muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Like shooting MexiMuffs in a barrel

2008-10-07T06:00:00.000-04:00

This descendent of Cortez could have been wearing the infield tarp from Wrigley and there would still be a bulbous muff showing. As such, it wasn't too hard of a snag, though my first MexiMuff wearing "overalls", as you can see from straps hanging off of her rear end.

It's a real level of failure when you're too fat for overalls.

If you're wondering what her shirt says, I'll reveal the answer, because it's been haunting my dreams for a few days now:

"Magic Genie Lamp Hidden in My Pants.
Rub it, and a Wish Will Come True."

Does it count if you're rubbing yourself?

Mrs. Green Jeans

2008-10-06T06:00:00.002-04:00

While "Mr." Green Jeans was a loveable handyman who brought Captain Kangaroo interesting items to discuss, "Mrs." Green Jeans is a fat Mexican.

To be fair, this senorita isn't really all that fat. She has a blown out gut thanks to a nino or tres, but no real large excess of body fat. Thank goodness she keeps it real by wearing completely trashy clothes that are in no way appropriate for her body.

Also to be fair, those aren't really jeans. Thanks for crapping all over my premise. Dick.

The keys to my heart

2008-10-03T06:00:00.003-04:00

I've never seen keys literally trying to escape out of someone's pocket for lack of breathing room.

If there were a modern-day "Fantasia" that centered around the lives of slovenly Mexican women, certainly one of the animated objects would have to be a set of keys struggling for oxygen. Whenever Walt Disney gets unfrozen, perhaps we can redirect his anti-semitism toward our beloved Muffalitos.

Here's a bonus shot for you to stuff your greedy faces with:

Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Behind enemy lines

2008-10-02T13:46:00.004-04:00

As my MexiMuff soldiers may have surmised, this shot was taken as the mighty beast foraged in her natural habitat - yard sales.

I fit in by camouflaging myself with a soiled Spongebob Squarepants blanket, and slowly creeping up behind the tight-shirted leviathan. Clearly my scent wasn't completely masked, for, right after this picture was taken, the beast spooked, and went tearing off down the side of the road with her stroller in tow.

By "tearing", I mean lazily jaywalking in and out of traffic.

Send me yours: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com